So it made me start thinking

I have 4 beautiful children. They are fairly well behaved for being children. I mean you can't expect little adults, right? Ever since John was born Mark and I have told everybody that we were done. We have 4, 2 of each. The numbers were perfect. We are done having babies. EXCEPT, I have never wanted to get Mark snipped. I have fought this with every fiber of my being for 2 years now. And really for no apparently good reason, because like I said, we are done.

Well now I have changed my mind. Why am I no longer satisfied with 4? This month I was 10 days late and it really made me start thinking (and unfortunately Mark as well). I'm not done. That's plain and simple to me. There have been a bunch of tears shed in these past several days. Less than 6 months ago, Mark was talking about another one. When I mentioned giving up trying to persue the cause of my aches and pains, Mark told me if I gave up, he'd go get snipped. That I promised him another baby someday.

It was so incredibly exciting to think I might be expecting again. Well for me anyway. Mark was stressed. He even told me he didn't want it. Which just stressed him out even more because he knew I did. We have NEVER been on opposite sides of a major issue before and didn't quite know what to do. We did a lot of talking and soul searching. We each made propositions to the other which the other didn't accept. We then started talking about compromise.

I need to put out here what his proposition to me was as it really played on me and he knew it would and then I will also put what mine was to him as well as the final compromise.

He told me if the pregnancy scare was a complete false alarm, that he would get me a horse when John went to school all day. That is still 3 years from now. I have been asking for a horse off and on since we got together. Can I trade a baby for a horse? Hmmmm? It really makes me think. Am I ready to move past diapers and nursing and sleepless nights and toddler tantrums?

Now my proposition to him was a bit, ok well a lot, more selfish on my part. I asked for 1 month. Unprotected. If it was meant to be, it would happen. If not, then we were done. Of course, Mark has a conscience and wouldn't do it. Said if he agreed then it was no longer and accident.

This is what the main crux of our conversation was over the past week. On Sunday, I met up with a lady that has 8 children. I love her to bits. She is so funny and warm and caring. Her kids are always well mannered and well kept. I got her number so I could call her and talk. I plan on doing just that today. Mark has been asking me how we can do it with 5. He needs to know families can and do survive. She sat with us for a few minutes and regaled us with funny stories of her youngest boys. Mark is still chuckling about it. I needed him to see that it will be fun to have more and not just a burden.

So the original compromise was to re-evaluate in 1 year as to if we wanted another. I guess that was more if he was willing to give me another. We settled on 6 months. I can do 6 months. I also know that I will get my way. He has never NOT given me something I wanted.

As for my horse, we will wait and see. When the time is right it will happen and that much I know. With or without my husband's proposition.

For now, the fat lady has sung.