Who Am I??

At some point I think I have lost my identity.

What defines who I am? I am a mother and a wife. I don't feel like much else. What happened to me? Who am I?

Lately I don't even feel like I am good wife and mother. I feel like I am a lousy friend and I KNOW I am a lousy daughter. I go months without talking to my parents. That is with the exception of my step-dad. I used to talk to him daily, but even lately that is more like once a week.

Why am I seemingly jealous of my husband's friendships?

I just feel LOST. I don't get me time. I can't tell you the last time I had a chance to go do something that pampered me.

Mark has gone out and bought a gun and a scope for it. I asked him the other day if I could go get the blocks to go start working on my front flowerbed. He said no that we should wait. Well there goes another year. I can't plant any flowers. I pointed out to him today that he has gone and spent a bunch of money on hunting stuff recently and I asked him if I could get anything. He told me that he wants to do something special for me, but I never give him any money. Hell! I didn't go pick out that rifle or that scope. Why can't he just take me and HELP me pick out something? Crap by the time he is done getting all the hunting stuff he wants and paying off everything he wants to pay off. The whole damn tax return will be gone. And then we will be broke again and I still get put off.

Come next month he will be off hunting with his friends again. At least now Eric can go with him as long as it is on the weekends or after school.

I'm just tired of feeling lonely. The sad thing is he has been with me pretty much nonstop for the past 3 days. He left at 12:30 for lunch with a friend. It is now almost 8 pm and he still isn't home and he only called once. Hope he doens't expect a decent dinner. The kids had canned chicken noodle soup. I probably won't eat. He told me to make BBQ for dnner, but it's not like he was here to eat it anyway. Glad I didn't waste my time.